Snippets of an affair ~ First hurdles conquered

[zahraowens]

Title: Snippets of an affair (22/?) ~ First hurdles conquered Author: zahra_owens Beta: The one and only Namárië Rating: NC-17 Word Count: 2531 Warnings: Angst meets fluff Disclaimer: Persons and events described here may, on the surface, seem familiar, but I don't have a clue what I'm talking about. Author's note: The POV may change throughout the story, so the 'I' from this chapter may not be the 'I' from the previous chapter.

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You are the most tender man I've ever met.

I'm delightfully reminded of that when I wake up feeling your breath close to my ear and your slightly raspy skin ghost over mine while you're nuzzling me, as if you want to touch me without me noticing it. I turn to the side just enough to bring my lips closer to yours. "Morning," I whisper. I don't need to open my eyes to know you're smiling.

"I didn't mean to wake you," you apologise quietly. "I just couldn't resist smelling you."

We ended up not making love last night, although we were both turned on enough to light up a Christmas tree. It just felt too much like we were rushing into it and we'd both made a commitment to each other, so in a sense, we had all the time in the world. Now, after a good night's sleep, feeling you so close makes the heat rise again rapidly.

You kiss me tenderly. "Wait here, I'll be right back. Just going to shave and maybe brush my teeth."

I roll to the side, watching you walk towards the bathroom. "Oh, you have big plans then?" I tease.

You smile coyly, looking over your shoulder, and you have an unconventional spring in your step as you disappear into the next room, butt naked.

It takes you a while to come back, but maybe it's just that all I can think about is you and lying here waiting is like watching the grass grow, so I get up to follow you.

I enjoy watching you shave - I used to do it all the time - and now that the good times are back, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy again to see you leaning against the white bathroom sink to get closer to the mirror, your left hand keeping the skin taut as the razor in your right hand skims across your chin. I like the fact you shave the old-fashioned way, with shaving foam and a hand razor. It makes your skin smooth as a baby's butt and you smell all minty afterwards.

As you rinse the razor under the tap, I can't resist moving behind you and wrapping my arms around you. Suddenly you freeze up and curse, so I let go and as I step back I see blood mixing with the streaming water. You've cut yourself and under the water I can see it's just a nick. You grab the towel, wrap it around your fingers and turn towards me.

My face must be full of horror because you smile at me and pull me closer. "It's okay. I'm sure it isn't deep."

As you gently kiss me, I feel myself relax again. Why are we still so easily spooked around each other?

"It's not that I don't trust you, Angel," you say, leaning your forehead against mine. "It's still bigger than me. I can rationalise and say that I have nothing to fear from you, but my reactions are quicker and I guess..." You nuzzle me again like when you woke me and I feel myself melt into you. "Let's get out of here? Let's get in the car and drive to the coast?" I'm horny and confused, but I want to see you happy, so I nod and I'm rewarded by a thorough kiss, which leaves me blushing like a school boy.

Two hours later we're on a pier overlooking a fairly rough sea. It's windy and cold, which means we finally get some wear out of the heavy weather coats we bought last year when we had plans to go to South America, knowing we'd be travelling South during the southern hemisphere's winter. We walk along the deserted beach hand in hand as we admire the view of the low clouds and the play of the seagulls looking for food in the shallow water. You've never been the type to show affection in public, but you can't seem to keep your hands off me right now and I'm flattered; and although I still feel a little nervous, I indulge you, starving for your love and affection. It's good to feel you close again and I wonder if the tension I feel is all in my head. You're giving me that look again, of pure and utter love, that look that I've missed so much these past weeks and it helps me whenever I hear those voices inside my head telling me that I don't deserve you. When I think about it, I can tell myself that we do deserve each other; that you're just as damaged as I am, if not more so, and that I should allow myself to fully love you back, unadulterated, unbridled; but something is holding me back. No matter how hard I try, I can't deny I need the sex. I feel stupid for needing it so much, selfish too. I could kick myself for not being able to live without being needed, wanted, craved. At night, when I'm lying beside you, watching you sleep, I find myself thinking that at least with my ex, I got sex. It was lousy and often one sided, but at least he wanted me. Luckily, those thoughts never last long and I can see you for what you're worth. I can see how much you love me, emotionally, spiritually, and I can only hope that one day you'll be able to love me again physically as well.

As we're standing by a railing, you turn me around and pull me closer. "You're awfully quiet," you ask me, leaning in very close so you don't need to shout over the roar of the wind and the waves. "Everything okay?"

I nod, but I find I can't look you in the eye. "I love you," I whisper, but from the look on your face I can tell you didn't hear what I said. "I love you so much," I repeat, equally quiet.

You take my hands in yours and rub them. "You're freezing!" I see you open your coat and wrap it around the both of us, and I insert my hands underneath your arms to snuggle closer so you can almost close it behind me. We're the same height, so our faces are really close together, and I inhale deeply, taking your scent inside me. You tentatively come closer, your lips only just touching my temple, then my cheek, then my nose. As I raise my head a little more, you gently cover my mouth and your heat overflows and warms me up as well. Little by little your lips cover more of mine and I totally give into you, softly trying to coax you into opening your mouth so our tongues can join in the intimate play. When you push your body even more against mine, I can't help but smile appreciatively as I feel evidence of your arousal. It seems silly, but it's a huge boost to my confidence as our kiss deepens and we become more oblivious to our surroundings. I only just notice an elderly couple moving behind you, since I haven't closed my eyes yet. I still want to see your reactions, still need to be aware of you while our movements become more and more intimate. Tasting and smelling and feeling you isn't enough. I can barely hear you as the stormy weather picks up and makes the sea roar even louder, so I need to see you, gaze into those icy blue eyes, just in case it all becomes too much for you.

When we finally break away we do it only just enough that we can catch our breath. I can feel your reluctance to break our contact any more than strictly necessary and enjoy feeling your temple against my forehead.

"You think we'll be able to make it home?"

I shake my head. No. I don't want to let go of you, afraid that if we get into the car again to drive to our house, we'll never feel this intimacy again.

"Want to splurge and take a hotel room?"

I bite my lower lip and nod fervently, hoping you'll understand my eagerness for what it is. "Yeah, let's..." I answer in an attempt to be clear. "Maybe it'll be a good thing? Different surroundings. No bad memories."

You nod in agreement and pull me away from the railing.

It doesn't take us long to find shelter in a quaint seaside hotel. The owner goes out of his way to acknowledge that he knows exactly why we're here and makes a point of giving us 'his best room' at the end of the hallway with a great view of the sea and where we 'won't be disturbed'.

"Do we really look like screamers?" you ask me in the hallway on the way to our room.

"Moaners at the most," I teasingly agree. "Well, at least we know we won't disturb anyone!"

The room isn't huge, but fairly modern and the view indeed is spectacular. The window that looks out over the beach has large bay windows and a small sofa fits nicely into the little alcove it creates.

I drag you along to close the drapes but you stop me. "Let's leave them open. I like the fact we're nice and warm inside when there's a storm over the water." Just to prove your point, a lightning bolt lights up the otherwise dark grey sky and I have to admit it's beautiful. I'm mesmerized as you take my heavy coat from me and return just moments later. "I put the 'do not disturb' sign on the door," you whisper in my ear as you once again wrap your arms around me.

"Does that mean you're going to make love to me?" I ask softly.

You don't answer; you simply kiss me behind my ear and as I lean into the most tender touch, I feel your hands finding their way underneath my sweater to my stomach. I shiver from all the pent up lust coursing though my veins, but afraid it'll make you stop, I ask you to continue as I reach behind to pull you closer. As you grind your groin against my arse, I feel that you're hard and this makes me smile. Maybe this time we'll be able to finish what we start. As your hands move down, I quickly flick the button on my jeans and unzip them so I can give you access, but you take hold of my sweater and pull it over my head. It's not especially warm in the room, but you wrap your arms tightly around my chest, preventing me from feeling much of the cold.

You continue kissing my neck, but I'm painfully hard and therefore not very patient, so I try to reach for your trousers as well. "Just do it," I moan. "Just need you inside me, so much!"

To my surprise, you let go of me and I try to make up for the loss by hugging myself. I turn around to see where you're going. "Love?" No answer, but moments later you return with a thick, soft towel and a small bottle.

You're smiling. "Someone has to think of the practical side of things, right?"

I wiggle towards you in an attempt to gracefully let my jeans slip over my hips, but I need to help them along a bit, thwarting any kind of smooth seduction. This does, however, allow me to get naked in one movement and I step out of my pile of clothes before launching myself at you.

We kiss passionately and then you look at me with that expression you seem to reserve only when you want something from me. "I was kind of imagining having my way with you in front of the window," you tell me almost shyly.

I kiss you quickly. "As long as you fuck me, I'm game." I teasingly take the towel from you, and slowly walk towards the delicate looking sofa in front of the window. I lean over it on my outstretched arms, pretending to check whether it's sturdy enough for gymnastics, but of course the only reason I'm doing it is so you'll get a nice view of my arse from where you're sitting on the bed taking your shoes off. I'm pleased to see that you stop undressing to touch yourself, but when you notice my stare, you continue taking your clothes off. Your eyes don't leave my body, though, and it makes me even harder than I already was. I carefully spread out the towel and crawl onto the couch, making sure to stick my arse out even further. Within seconds I feel your hands on my hips, and I manage to prevent myself from jumping when my arse cheeks are pulled apart and a hot wet tongue traces a line through my cleft. I'm glad you're not teasing me, because the slower you play, the more risk I run of coming before you're inside me and I really don't want to come any other way. I try to spread my legs to give you even more access and you take this as an invitation to seek out my erection with your hand, pulling it down between my legs and slowly moving up and down. A moan that sounds suspiciously like a whimper escapes my mouth and if I could speak, I'd order you to get on with it. I can't though, so I try desperately to keep some form of composure. As your tongue pokes at my entrance, your finger joins in the action and I feel the tip of it slip into me. I try to relax, wordlessly telling you that I don't need all this prep, that I'm ready now.

"Please, Love," I manage to squeeze out just before you stop licking me to insert a second finger. I arch my back and push up to impale myself, hungry and desperate to be filled, but I don't want your fingers, I want your cock! I want to give pleasure as well as receive it! I try to push your hand away from my now purple erection and as you let go, it veers up towards my belly at exactly the same moment you scissor your fingers and brush over my prostate. In an instant I know it's too late to resist and I feel my balls contract, sending spasms through my groin and splattering my release all over the strategically placed towel, which is now no longer pristinely white.

While I'm catching my breath, I feel you wrap yourself around me, so you can help me sit down. We rest there spooning on the couch for a moment and it already feels insanely intimate, although I know you haven't come. "I wanted to wait for you, Love," I whisper.

You nuzzle me and pull me even closer. "Look at it this way. We only just got started and you're going to enjoy what's coming a lot more now we took the edge off."

"Mmmh," I nod. "I think I like that."

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